


Happy Easter, Mr. Buns

by Kahleniel



Category: Aliens (1986)
Genre: Crack Fic, Easter, Gore, Horror, Other, bunnies in space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 03:32:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6357220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahleniel/pseuds/Kahleniel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by one of the funniest conversations I've ever had regarding a picture of an easter bunny with a facehugger, next to an Alien egg painted to look like an Easter egg. Oh God, good times :D</p><p>Inspiration pic here;<br/>https://kahleniel.tumblr.com/post/141686028150</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Easter, Mr. Buns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elyxra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elyxra/gifts).



Lieutenant Junior Grade Honey S. Buns was sick and tired of that damned Captain Peter Rabbit winning “Best Easter Egg Design in the Galaxy” every year. Five years in a row he’s bragged about how his designs “come to him in a dream” and how “Picasso’s Blue Period is such an inspiration”. _Ugh. Give me a break._

So when the crew of the United Federation of Warrens vessel _Watership Down_ made an emergency landing on a lifeless chunk of rock, the last thing Lieutenant Junior Grade Buns expected to find was an egg as tall as his waist sitting in a long abandoned cargo ship not five kilometers from their landing site. He’d been ordered to scout for potential resources while repairs were made to the ship’s hull, but he doubted _this_ was what his superiors had in mind. It would make an excellent entry for the Easter Egg contest. There was no way Captain Rabbit was gonna win _this_ year.

The base of the egg tore away with a sickening _crack-sluuurp_ , slime stringing from the bottom. He had to roll it back to the cargo bay hatch undetected. The contest was fierce between his shipmates, and he was not going to lose his ace in the hole to some nosy Lance Corporal. Grabbing some spare rags he cleaned off the egg as best he could, getting rid of the accumulated dust and slime to give himself the best possible canvas. _A little yellow here…and some blue lines…hmm._ He had the general idea of what he wanted to paint in his head. _Something classic to offset Captain Picasso-is-my-muse’s avant-garde crap_. He checked his watch and sighed. Too late to start anything now; he was due for his next shift in twenty minutes. Covering the egg with spare cargo nets and hurriedly shoving it in a corner, he promised himself that he’d begin painting it as soon as his shift was over.

His shift in Engineering couldn’t end fast enough. The minute he was clocked out he threw on a pair of torn overalls and threw his oil paints in a carryall. Sneaking back down to the cargo bay, he sighed in relief at his undisturbed secret. Buns carefully set out his palette, cups, and tubes of paint around him. Picking up a paintbrush, he squeezed paints onto his palette and dabbed the brush into several colors, mixing them in a separate area until he was satisfied with the shade.

He continued this way for several hours, adding lavender, forest green, and sunshine yellow to the drab grey-green of the egg’s outer coating. He was finishing up the top of the egg with classic alabaster white when a split formed right across where he was painting. Cursing silently, he reached for something to repair the crack with when another formed, almost exactly ninety degrees from the first. He dropped his painting supplies in exasperation. He was so focused on finding his repair kit that he didn’t notice the corners of the damaged area peeling back, opening like the bud of a grotesque flower, nor the fingerlike projections extending through the viscous membrane. Slime and fluids dripped down the still-wet paint, ruining the designs that had been skillfully applied to the outer surface.

A slurping noise finally drew the attention of Lieutenant Junior Grade Buns away from his frantic search for sealant. His midnight-black eyes widened in horror as a grotesque spindly-legged creature emerged from the top of the egg, at odds with the cheerful pattern below it. As Buns opened his mouth to scream the creature leapt, wrapping its snakelike tail once, twice, three times around his neck while shoving a tube down his throat at the same time. The tail squeezed rhythmically to encourage Buns to swallow, and he did, the tube entering his esophagus easily as everything went grey, then black.

He woke up in the medical bay of the _Watership Down_ surrounded by beeping machines. Captain Peter Rabbit was hopping into the room as a medical officer shone a bright light into his eyes.

“Well, Mr. Buns, you gave us quite a scare there. When we brought you in you were comatose with a…thing…wrapped around your throat. How are you feeling?”

LJG Buns sat up and the medical officer moved away to check the monitors to the side of the bay, leaving him with his superior officer. “I’m fine, sir. I don’t feel any different than before, at least. How long was I out?”

“About thirty-seven hours. Private Bugs found you in a corner of Cargo Bay Seven next to what I assume was going to be this year’s entry for the Easter Egg competition?” Captain Rabbit couldn’t hide his smug smile. Buns just nodded, too dazed to pick up on any undercurrents in the conversation. “Well, rest up, and after another day of observation we’ll get you cleared for duty.”

“Aye, sir.” The medical officer came back over and injected Buns in the arm with a sedative.

__

“So, Buns, you just found a random egg on an alien planet and decided it was a good idea to bring it on board without clearance just so you could beat Captain Rabbit for a stupid contest?” The other bunnies in the mess hall shook their heads, unsurprised by Buns’ rash choice of action.

“It seemed like a no-brainer at the time. I mean hell, how could a giant alien egg not fail to knock out any competition?” Buns swallowed another forkful of his food.

“No-brainer being the key phrase here.” LJG Fuzz pointed his knife at Buns to punctuate his words. “You got lucky.”

Buns shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. I – “ He broke off as he broke into a coughing fit. He reached for some water, thinking maybe his last mouthful went down the wrong way, but he couldn’t stop coughing. It got worse and worse, and his shipmates crowded around in concern, propping him up and shouting for someone to call for medical staff. Voices raised in frantic shouts echoed off the walls as they laid Bugs out on the mess hall table, holding him down as he began to convulse. A groan emanated from the bunny, rising to a shriek as his chest pulsed. He wrapped his arms around his midsection in pain, but the pulsing worsened. Soon enough, blood began to pour through, sending everyone into hysterics as medical staff pushed through the crowd to the wounded soldier. As they reached him, _something_ burst from the rabbit’s ribcage and screeched. The crew of the Watership Down looked on in horror as a gory, blood streaked _thing_ with little pointy ears and vicious canines scampered off into a darkened corner of the hall, streaking gore and body fluids from the late Lieutenant Junior Grade Buns behind him.


End file.
